(you're my friends, I can be personal right????)
So sometimes as a mom, I have days/ moments where I feel like I don't want to be a mom. I just want a break. This really bothers me (which makes me feel worse) because when I tried so hard to get pregnant with Kaleb I promised my self that I would never resent him. I didn't ever want to be a awake at night holding a crying baby wishing I didn't have him. That goes for all my children. But I guess I didn't quite get all the preparation time and planning and thinking time with Maylee as I got with Kaleb (obviously). Having a second was kind of a shock to me. I felt guilty about not being able to give Kaleb the time he used to get, and felt guilty that I couldn't give Maylee the time I was able to give Kaleb. Which I think caused a ripple effect on how I felt as a mother. The first 2-3 months were the hardest, and the subsequent months have gotten easier each day. About a month or two ago (Maylee is 9 months now) I started to have fun with them again, instead of just work and stress. There were/ are random days that are lame, and dull, and depressing, but for the most part we stay busy and have fun.
I wish I had a recorder on Kaleb 24/7. He's hilarious, and SO smart. The other day I had my proudest moment as a mother... we were driving to my sister Katie's house who lives in American Fork. I wasn't paying attention while I was driving and got off the wrong freeway exit, which resulted in us driving past the temple to get to her house. As we approached the temple Kaleb said, "Mom! It's the temple! It's the house of God!" My heart swelled with pride! Then he asked to sing I Love To See The Temple. Which we did. Then has asked why there were lots of people there. I responded, "Well, some people are there for themselves, and some are there for other people." He thought for a moment and said, "That makes Jesus happy. That makes me happy too." Like I said, proudest mommy moment ever... so far!
So back to the moment of clarity title! :) The other day I was thinking, like I always do when I'm cleaning, and I realized how BLESSED I am to be a mother. Not only the ability to procreate but to have these spirits in my home and to be able to watch them grow and learn. I swear (and I know every mother does) that I have the best children ever! Why did Blake and I get to have them? I feel so privledged! They are so special! They know so much! I can see it in their eyes! I just hope that I will always be able to remember these moments and to be able to feel Heavenly Father's love for them so clearly, and I hope they don't ever loose the light that they now have. It is definitely a testimony to me that the most righteous have been saved for the last days.... I am nowhere NEAR the level that they are even now! I know they are so much greater and stronger than I am. What a great responsibility we have to these children, to make sure they know the way and can choose the right. That we prepare them for what they may face in their lives.
I'm so grateful for these "moments of clarity" that Heavenly Father blesses us with. :) I know that this won't make my bad days go away, but hopefully they won't happen as frequently, and I will feel a little more grateful instead of burdened. So far it has worked. I'm so grateful Heavenly Father loves me enough (and my kids) to bless me with moments like this to help me realize what's really important. Thanks for letting me share... not that you really had a choice, it's my blog, I can do what I want! :) Here is your reward for reading this... pictures of my cute kids!!!! :)
